John Hodgman on the ukelele accompanied by Jonathan Coulton.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
*sniffle*
I know I haven't posted in forever, but I had to share these. Beautiful, whimsical and ultimately heartbreaking. Seriously, my eyes are all wet right now.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
An Open Letter
Dear Amateur Pornographers,
First let me say I am a great fan of your work. The various and seemingly endless parade of horrors you are willing to subject your orifices to never fails to surprise me. Your creativity and devotion to your craft always shines through. I didn't know you could put a traffic cone in there! Bravo! Brava!
Having said that, I do have a couple of issues I'd like to broach. Not really complaints, more like advice! Please, Amateur Pornographers, understand that I make these suggestions with your best intentions in mind...
- Could you think about muting the television? I understand you like to watch Law & Order. Who doesn't? Am I right? That show is always on somewhere! But, perhaps it doesn't need to be on while you are strapped into your sex swing with a giant rubber penis flopping around your vagina? I'm not saying you shouldn't be watching! Maybe you can abuse yourself during a commercial, or with the closed captioning on. It's probably just me, but I find it confusing trying to figure out what "the prosecution" has to do with anything!
- Do your babies need to be in the other room while you hump away on a webcam? Is the sound of crying children supposed to be cautionary in regard to all the unprotected sex? Am I mistaken and this is a public service? If so, well played. Very progressive!
- I know balancing work, a family, housework and your penchant for recording yourself doing unspeakable acts can be difficult. We've all been there, right? Ha! This crazy modern life can be so hectic! But I am of the opinion that any unspeakable act worth doing on camera is worth doing right. And if you have time to shop for nude colored thigh highs and red pumps, then you have time to fold the laundry, move the basket out of frame, and straighten up your bedroom. This is a reflection on you! You only get one chance to make a first impression. Make the best of it, clear away the dishes.
- You might want to look into getting a new bedspread, haircut and manicure. The current ones are looking pretty dated. It's the little touches like *not* having badly chipped candy apple red talons that make all the difference. And you should reward yourself with a new comforter and pillowcase set! From the looks of things, you're definitely long overdue on that! I'd say about 15 years or so. Do something nice for YOU. Something that doesn't involve lube.
I know you are not professional pornographers with production costs and fancy equipment like "lights," but some of these things can just be so distracting! I'm only trying to look out for you. I hope I've been helpful.
Please keep up the good, hard, relentless, brutal, greying, saggy work! Truly, you are all brave souls. Brave for having the courage to openly and freely profess your love of filming an extremely intimate act, and brave for putting a baseball bat in your assholes. I wish you all nothing but the best of luck with your impending anal fissures.
Sincerely,
Modemgirl
P.S. Way to keep the spark alive!
First let me say I am a great fan of your work. The various and seemingly endless parade of horrors you are willing to subject your orifices to never fails to surprise me. Your creativity and devotion to your craft always shines through. I didn't know you could put a traffic cone in there! Bravo! Brava!
Having said that, I do have a couple of issues I'd like to broach. Not really complaints, more like advice! Please, Amateur Pornographers, understand that I make these suggestions with your best intentions in mind...
- Could you think about muting the television? I understand you like to watch Law & Order. Who doesn't? Am I right? That show is always on somewhere! But, perhaps it doesn't need to be on while you are strapped into your sex swing with a giant rubber penis flopping around your vagina? I'm not saying you shouldn't be watching! Maybe you can abuse yourself during a commercial, or with the closed captioning on. It's probably just me, but I find it confusing trying to figure out what "the prosecution" has to do with anything!
- Do your babies need to be in the other room while you hump away on a webcam? Is the sound of crying children supposed to be cautionary in regard to all the unprotected sex? Am I mistaken and this is a public service? If so, well played. Very progressive!
- I know balancing work, a family, housework and your penchant for recording yourself doing unspeakable acts can be difficult. We've all been there, right? Ha! This crazy modern life can be so hectic! But I am of the opinion that any unspeakable act worth doing on camera is worth doing right. And if you have time to shop for nude colored thigh highs and red pumps, then you have time to fold the laundry, move the basket out of frame, and straighten up your bedroom. This is a reflection on you! You only get one chance to make a first impression. Make the best of it, clear away the dishes.
- You might want to look into getting a new bedspread, haircut and manicure. The current ones are looking pretty dated. It's the little touches like *not* having badly chipped candy apple red talons that make all the difference. And you should reward yourself with a new comforter and pillowcase set! From the looks of things, you're definitely long overdue on that! I'd say about 15 years or so. Do something nice for YOU. Something that doesn't involve lube.
I know you are not professional pornographers with production costs and fancy equipment like "lights," but some of these things can just be so distracting! I'm only trying to look out for you. I hope I've been helpful.
Please keep up the good, hard, relentless, brutal, greying, saggy work! Truly, you are all brave souls. Brave for having the courage to openly and freely profess your love of filming an extremely intimate act, and brave for putting a baseball bat in your assholes. I wish you all nothing but the best of luck with your impending anal fissures.
Sincerely,
Modemgirl
P.S. Way to keep the spark alive!
Monday, June 23, 2008
Vote Modemgirl
If I were to run for president, I'd run under one of two slogans:
"Pants are a Prison"
or
"Eating Babies: LEGALIZE IT"
Or, or, or!!
"Eating Babies: YES WE CAN"
The last one has a niiiice ring to it! I bet people would like that.
"Pants are a Prison"
or
"Eating Babies: LEGALIZE IT"
Or, or, or!!
"Eating Babies: YES WE CAN"
The last one has a niiiice ring to it! I bet people would like that.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Just being helpful
What is THIS?
An article about saving money at the movies.
Seems to me they left out the two most time-tested and reliable movie money saving tips of all:
1. Paying for one movie, then jumping to other theaters. Double features, if you will. Ex.: "Knocked Up"/"Ocean's 13", "Closer"/"Ocean's 12." "Hairspray"/"Die Hard 4" was considered once, but my butt was already tired before we made it to "Die Hard."
2. Big purse full of snacks bought at the grocery store or brought from home. Things I have illicitly carried into the movies: bottles of water, Dr. Pepper, popcorn in a Ziploc bag that I made at home on the stove, cocktails, Chex Mix, "Have a Corn" chips, vanilla lattes and croissants, iced tea, AAAANNNNNNDDDDD.............ICE CREAM IN A WAFFLE BOWL FROM COLDSTONE SMUGGLED INTO THE MOVIES INSIDE MY PURSE!!
That is how you save money at the movies. Everybody knows that.
An article about saving money at the movies.
Seems to me they left out the two most time-tested and reliable movie money saving tips of all:
1. Paying for one movie, then jumping to other theaters. Double features, if you will. Ex.: "Knocked Up"/"Ocean's 13", "Closer"/"Ocean's 12." "Hairspray"/"Die Hard 4" was considered once, but my butt was already tired before we made it to "Die Hard."
2. Big purse full of snacks bought at the grocery store or brought from home. Things I have illicitly carried into the movies: bottles of water, Dr. Pepper, popcorn in a Ziploc bag that I made at home on the stove, cocktails, Chex Mix, "Have a Corn" chips, vanilla lattes and croissants, iced tea, AAAANNNNNNDDDDD.............ICE CREAM IN A WAFFLE BOWL FROM COLDSTONE SMUGGLED INTO THE MOVIES INSIDE MY PURSE!!
That is how you save money at the movies. Everybody knows that.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Things that I do in the car besides driving
- Eat
- Sing
- Cry (sometimes while singing)
- Search for matches or a lighter
- Smoke
- Text
- Look for things in my purse (directions, lists, chapstick)
- Read (only at red lights)
- Pick my nose
- Think about my life
- Cry
- Talk back to the radio
- Think about calling the radio
- Call someone who isn't on the radio
- Flip through my cd case
- Crunch numbers on a calculator
- Generally make a mess
Things I do not do in the car:
- Drink coffee
- Put on makeup
- Shave
I might be a menace. But, I don't think so.
- Work
- Sing
- Cry (sometimes while singing)
- Search for matches or a lighter
- Smoke
- Text
- Look for things in my purse (directions, lists, chapstick)
- Read (only at red lights)
- Pick my nose
- Think about my life
- Cry
- Talk back to the radio
- Think about calling the radio
- Call someone who isn't on the radio
- Flip through my cd case
- Crunch numbers on a calculator
- Generally make a mess
Things I do not do in the car:
- Drink coffee
- Put on makeup
- Shave
I might be a menace. But, I don't think so.
- Work
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
I like food, food tastes good!
I haven't been able to taste or smell anything in a week. Here is a list of things I will be eating as soon as I regain my lost senses:
-sweet potato fries
-little cheeseburgers from McDonald's
-Dr. Pepper
-milk
-breakfast burrito
-orange beef and potstickers
On the upside, here is a list of things I haven't had to smell in a week:
-poop (baby or otherwise)
-stank dog breath
-old milk
-B.O.
I know my list of foods to eat seems wildly unhealthy, but for the last 3 weeks I've pretty much been eating chicken soup, oatmeal and tea. I'm due for a Dr. Pepper. I stopped eating soup and oatmeal on monday, and I've been mostly eating yogurt. For my vagina's sake.
-sweet potato fries
-little cheeseburgers from McDonald's
-Dr. Pepper
-milk
-breakfast burrito
-orange beef and potstickers
On the upside, here is a list of things I haven't had to smell in a week:
-poop (baby or otherwise)
-stank dog breath
-old milk
-B.O.
I know my list of foods to eat seems wildly unhealthy, but for the last 3 weeks I've pretty much been eating chicken soup, oatmeal and tea. I'm due for a Dr. Pepper. I stopped eating soup and oatmeal on monday, and I've been mostly eating yogurt. For my vagina's sake.
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